


Everything’s the same, except me (it’s all tainted)

by ushibread



Series: How many seasons have we been together? [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, M/M, but im a sucker for oikage soooo, hinata and noya appear for like two seconds, kageyama doesn’t want to acknowledge anything, oh i forgot to mention, oikawa tooru sucks at feelings, so if this looks familiar, they’re idols, this is also a yusol oneshot that i wrote on wp, tsukishima likes kageyama, you’ve probably read it there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ushibread/pseuds/ushibread
Summary: Tobio just wanted to buy a late night snack. He doesn't expect to see his ex at the convenience store eating ramen alone at an empty table.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: How many seasons have we been together? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042614
Comments: 3
Kudos: 111





	Everything’s the same, except me (it’s all tainted)

_✨_

_" i'm running out of breath, so i stood still_

_but the wind beckons me_

_and rushes me to you_

_so i run to you, however my heart pulls me_

_i'm following this path. "_

_\- run by astro_

It’s been so long since Tobio had time for himself. With the constant moving around because of their tour, long hours in the practice rooms, early mornings in the recording room, the one to two hours worth of sleep, he feels drained. Now, they're currently back in Japan, and with the pressure of their upcoming comeback, that wasn't even announced to the public yet, Tobio felt tired more than ever.

The room was uncomfortable. It felt suffocating and hot, despite the air conditioner blasting on high. Not to mention, it seems that Kei’s snores (that he vehemently deny to doing if Tobio mentioned it) sounded louder tonight. He tries to block Kei’s dying whale sounds by burying his head under his pillow, and when that proved useless, he sits up on his bed, wide awake.

Since it seemed like he wasn't getting sleep anytime soon, Tobio lets out a deep sigh and gets off the bed. He lazily slips on one of Kei’s (hopefully) clean hoodies that was on the floor and shuffles out the bedroom, silently closing the door behind him. He chuckles under his breath when he finds that the action didn't even muffle the salty boy’s snores. Letting out a small yawn, he heads to the main room. He was mildly surprised to see Hinata and Nishinoya cuddling on the sofa, with a blanket messily thrown over them. The probably stayed up watching Disney movies again. Tobio coos and fixes the blanket so that the two won't freeze to death the rest of the night. Grabbing his phone, keys and wallet, Tobio quietly leaves their dorm, making sure to lock the door.

The walk to the convenience store wasn't long, and so Tobio took his time. He glances at his phone and sees that it was actually ten past eleven in the evening. He sighs and pockets the device before jogging a bit when he sees the store come into view. Usually, Tobio would be the only late night visitor the store had, but it seemed like tonight was an exception. Walking over to the freezers, he catches a glimpse of a guy sitting at the back of the store, with his back facing Tobio. He didn't pay much attention and just got what he came for; a pint of ice cream, milk, a pack of chips, and two chocolate bars. He knows these aren’t going to let him fall back asleep anytime soon, but he decides to face the consequences later, when he's back at the dorm.

Tobio greets the cashier, a boy his age named Kogane, who had actually become a friend of his. Kogane greets back as he scanned Tobio’s items, Tobio then paying the exact amount of money needed. When Kogane moves to put the items in a bag, Tobio stops him and tells him that he would be eating there. Kogane cocks an eyebrow in question, because usually, Tobio would only come to the store, buy some food and then leave and eat at their dorm. If he wants to eat at the store, something must be bothering him if he couldn't think or reflect back home, Kogane figures, but the the taller boy didn't ask him anything and instead just says:

"I’m not gonna ask, but please don't stress or overwork yourself. Honestly, you look dead, Kageyama." Tobio just smiles sheepishly in reply and grabbed his items.

The raven haired boy went to the back where the tables were located and got the biggest shock he's had in a while.

"Oikawa-san?" the male turns around, and sure enough, it was him.

Oikawa Tooru; Tobio’s first boyfriend, first love, first kiss, and first heartbreak.

Honestly, Tobio never expected this nor ever thought that this would ever happen. One: he and Oikawa already broke up. Two: he's pretty sure Oikawa’s company is miles away from his dorm. So, Oikawa being here is weird. Nevertheless, Tobio smiled and greeted him, because it was the polite thing to do. Oikawa reluctantly smiles and greets him back.

After that, the two fell into complete awkward silence. Tobio starts eating the ice cream first with a spoon he brought with him. Just as he was about to eat the first scoop, Tobio hears Oikawa chuckle.

"What?" Tobio asks, slightly irked that Oikawa found something funny about him.

"Nothing, it's just that—nevermind." Oikawa chuckles again. "Hey, is your number still the same?"

"Yes, but tell me what you were gonna say, because I know it's not that."

"It’s nothing, trust me."

Tobio scoffs.

"Sure, let's talk about trust.” he smiles, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “You damn well know that you of all people would be the last person to talk to me about trust, Oikawa-san. Now, what were you laughing at?"

Tobio stares him down and Oikawa sighs.

"It’s cute that you still bring your own spoon for the ice cream."

"Oh." and just like that Tobio feels awkward again.

"Yeah."

And the two fell into very very very awkward silence once again. Tobio feels his face burn as he eats his ice cream. Curse Oikawa for calling him cute.

_But it shouldn't affect you, right? You’ve moved on right?_

_Of course I’ve moved on. He hurt me and everyone else, he's nothing to me now._

_The blush on your face says otherwise._

_Shut up! Aren’t you supposed to be a voice in MY head?! Why are you bullying me?!_

_I’m what you people call common sense and I’m just trying to knock some into you._

_Why am i even arguing with myself?_

_Because you're dumb._

Tobio shakes his head, trying to get the annoying voice to shut up, which only prompted Oikawa to look over at him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little brain freeze is all." he lies.

"Slow down. You always get brain freeze when you eat ice cream. It’s not going anywhere, king." Oikaw chuckles again, takes Tobio’s milk, opens it, and hands the drink over to him. The raven boy stares at the latter, confused as to why he did that.

_King._

That used to be Oikawa’s nickname for him because the older boy said that Tobio smile reminded him of royalty. And for a while, Tobio grew to love that nickname. But now, it just brings back horrible memories.

Tobio’s hand was shaking as he stretches it out to grab his milk. Before his hand could touch the drink however, Oikawa grabs it with his other hand. Tobio, startled at the action, lets out a squeak. He swears he heard Oikawa mutter out ' _cute_ ' when he did.

For a while, the two didn't do or say anything. The milk was long forgotten on the table along with the other food Tobio bought. Oikawa now had both of his hands enveloping Tobio’s and the younger boy was just staring at him, too shocked to move. Oikawa starts rubbing circular patterns on the back of his hand, snapping Tobio out of whatever trance he was in. He tries to pull his hand away, but Oikawa just held on tighter.

"What—what do you want, Oikawa-san?"

Oikawa says nothing, which just irked him more.

_What is he up to?_

Tobio eyes the older boy. He notices that Oikawa’s hair was a little longer than last time. He also notices the older boy's long lashes, making his eyes more mesmerizing. He notices Oikawa’s pretty lips, only slightly parted, which (temporarily) made Tobio want to kiss him so bad.

"King?"

Tobio visibly winces at the nickname, as he was pulled out of his trance. He tries to pull his hand out again, and succeeded this time. He glares at the older boy and rushes to clean the table. He grabs the now melted ice cream and the milk that now had Oikawa’s germs from when he touched it, and threw them into the nearby trash bin. Next, he grabs the chips and the now melted chocolate bars and rushes towards the counter, not sparing a single glance at Oikawa.

"Hey, Kogane can i get a bag for these? I changed my mind, I’m eating back home."

Kogane doesn't ask and just does what Tobio asked him to. After placing the items into the bag, Tobio hurriedly grabs it, and rushes out the door.

"Thanks!" he calls out as he left.

The dorm wasn't that far, but Tobio still speed walks to his destination. Not once looking back to see if Oikawa was following him. The important thing right now was for him to go back to the dorm and pretend this night never happened.

"Ki—Kageyama, wait!" he hears Oikawa’s voice call out, which only encouraged him to go faster.

Oikawa sees him speed up, and runs. He ran until he was standing in front of the younger boy. He feels himself catch his breath, but that didn't matter right now. What mattered was Kageyama.

It will always be Kageyama.

Oikawa didn't even give the younger a chance to speak and just followed what his instincts told him; to hug him. Tobio struggles against him, which prompted Oikawa to hug him tighter. After a few seconds of struggling, Tobio stays completely still and just lets Oikawa do what he wanted.

Two minutes passed, and Tobio grew tired.

"Look, what the hell do you want Oik—"

Tobio gets cut off when he hears a sob. Oikawa was crying.

"I’m sorry."

The world goes completely still.

Tobio was speechless. Did Oikawa just say sorry? He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he paid no mind to it. Oikawa just apologized. But what was he sorry for? Because there was a lot for him to be sorry for.

After what felt like eternity, Oikawa pulled away and stared straight into Tobio’s eyes as he repeated the words over and over. The older boy only stopped when Tobio let out an emotionless chuckle.

"What are you sorry for, Tooru?" Tobio says his name with pure hatred in his tone.

"Are you sorry for leaving me...for leaving everyone? Are you sorry for leaving us when we were all so close to debuting? Are you sorry for coming back months later with a half-assed apology? Are you sorry for constantly lying to me even after I forgave you?"

"Are you sorry for not defending me against your parents? Are you sorry for not defending me when I got countless hate for being gay? Are you sorry for making me look like a fool every time I came back in your arms? Are you sorry for manipulating me into forgiving you over and over again? Are you sorry for seeing another guy behind my back?"

"Are you sorry for breaking up with me over text? Are you sorry that you wasted three years of your life with me? Are you sorry for beating Kei when he was comforting me because you were being an asshole?"

"Are you sorry for blackmailing Hinata because you couldn't help being jealous whenever I was with him? Are you sorry for faking everything we had? Are you sorry for pretending to be in love with me?"

"Are you sorry because you had to fake giving a shit about our friends? What?! What are you saying sorry for, Oikawa Tooru?! Because there are so many things you could be fucking sorry for!"

Everything Tobio has been bottling up suddenly exploded. His tears didn't stop flowing, his hands didn't stop shaking, and his heart didn't stop hurting. He’s so pathetic. He knows he's still in love with him. Oikawa Tooru will always be in his heart whether he liked it or not.

"Everything, _Tobio_." Oikawa says after a while, and Tobio stares at him, confused.

"I’m so so so sorry for everything. I know I will never be able to change the past, but I just want you to know I’m truly sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I love you, I never stopped."

"If you loved me, then why would you cheat on me?"

"I was scared."

Tobio lets out another dry laugh.

"Bullshit!"

Oikawa winces when Tobio raises his voice.

"Let’s just forget this night ever happened."

Oikawa looks at Tobio, wide eyed. Tobio’s face was unreadable. The Tobio that Oikawa knows was bright and cheerful; genuinely smiling and sometimes cracking jokes. He never liked this side of Tobio. The Tobio who looked so broken and vulnerable.

"W-What?"

"Let’s just forget tonight happened. I’m tired...I just want to go back to my dorm and forget I ever saw you tonight." Tobio walks past him. "Goodnight and goodbye, Oikawa-san."

"No." Oikawa says, making Tobio freeze in his tracks.

"What?"

Oikawa grabs his shoulders and turned him around so he was facing him.

"I’m tired of running away...I’m tired of hurting you...I’m tired of pretending I was never in love with you, hell, I still am madly, hopelessly in love with you...king, one last chance. I just want one, final chance to show you how much I love you."

To didn't know what to do. He’s given Oikawa way too many "last" chances in the past. Will he really keep his promise this time? Can Tobio really afford another heartbreak?

Yes, he admits, he's still in love with Oikawa. He’s so fucking in love that it's taking all of his willpower to not kiss him. But can he really afford to open up his heart one more time? What about Kei? Tobio knew that Kei liked him, the taller boy said so himself. And he's not going to lie, he felt himself falling for Kei these past few months. Kei is good to him, and he treats him in ways Oikawa never did. Should he risk a potentially perfect relationship for something that most likely be another painful experience? Should he really risk being with a good guy like Kei for Oikawa? Should he really risk getting love and affection from Kei for something that would most likely be another series of pain and sadness from Oikawa?

Should he give the boy he still loves one last chance?

Or should he just move on and be happy with Kei?

After what felt like forever, Tobio stares up at the older boy.

_Are you sure about this?_

_No._

_Are you willing to risk it?_

_I don't know._

_Kei or Oikawa-san?_

_I don't know._

"Oikawa-san..."

"I’m sorry..."

"I’m sorry you had to come all the way here in the middle of the night, just to ask this of me..."

Tobio sighs deeply.

He just hopes he made the right decision.

"Oikawa-san, I’m sorry...but I can't...I can't lie to myself anymore...yes, I’m still in love with you, but I can't bring myself to come back to you...I’m so sorry."

Oikawa feels all the hope in his chest evaporate. He gives the younger boy a sad smile, but nods in understanding. of course he would say no, Oikawa’s hurt him countless times.

"Could I just ask for a favor, then? One last time?"

"...What is it?"

"Kiss me..."

Tobio freezes for a second, but before he could even do anything, he feels his body move on its own. And before he knows it, he and Oikawa were kissing.

Both of them pour all of their emotions into the kiss. Tobio feels how much Oikawa loves him; he feels the longing, he feels the regret and the guilt. Oikawa feels Tobio’s pain, his longing, his love. They both savor the moment, not wanting to part too soon. Because once they part, they both know it will be the last.

But they had to part for air eventually.

The moment their lips parted, Tobio gives Oikawa a sad smile and walks away.

He walks forward, willing himself not to look back. Because if he looks back, he knows he will never be able to leave. So he goes straight ahead. He hears Oikawa’s own footsteps retreat. He hears the sounds of the older boy's feet echo throughout the empty street. Tobio sighs, willing himself not to cry. He’s made his decision; he finally let go. He feels his phone vibrate and fishes it out his pocket.

Kei was calling him, funny how fate works.

Tobio’s thumb hovers about the 'accept' button for a second.

He’s hesitating.

Before he could regret anything, he swipes his finger across the screen.

He stops walking...

He turns around...

...and sees Oikawa’s figure looking smaller and smaller...

"Hello, Kei?"

"Hey, where are you? You weren't in your bed and when I looked around, you weren't in the dorm. I’m worried."

"Oh, I just went for a late night snack at the convenience store. I’m walking back, right now."

Oikawa’s figure is almost out of sight.

"Okay, be careful."

"I will."

"And, Tobio?"

"Yeah?"

Oikawa stops, and turned to look in his direction. Tobio’s breath hitches. Although it was dark, and they were already pretty far away from each other, Tobio feels like Oikawa was looking directly into his eyes.

"—me? Tobio, are you there?"

"Kei, I’m almost there. Hold up, I just have to uh...uhm...throw the trash..."

"Oh, okay...I’ll be waiting for you in the living—"

"Sure sure! Bye!"

"Bye—"

Tobio hangs up the phone as he stops in front of their dorm. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He turns around one last time to see Oikawa’s figure completely disappear around the corner by the convenience store. He throws the bag he was holding, not really caring that he didn't even get to eat his chocolate and chips.

And ran...

...straight into the building.

And the moment Tobio closes the door to their dorm, he knew...

...that tonight never happened.

That Oikawa was never at the convenience store.

That the kiss never happened.

And when Tobio felt his phone vibrate and saw Oikawa’s name on the screen.

He pretended he never saw it.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i cried while rewriting a few parts of this to match oikage 😭 bc as i’ve said in the tags, this is a yusol (newkidd’s hansol & nct’s yuta) oneshot i wrote on wp...hansol was formerly an smrookie and was supposed to debut with nct but left the company before they could...lol just a little info for y’all 😂
> 
> and if y’all saw any kpop idol’s name in here, please ignore it bc my eyes were tired 😂


End file.
